Why Marriage Is Hard (And Beautiful)
I’m an idealist by nature. A dreamer. My first crush was at age 3. At age 6 I had a list of sixteen girls I wanted to marry. So you can imagine by the time I got to college, I was definitely on the lookout. I didn’t end up dating at all in college and by the time I turned 23 I was starting to think my chances of ever getting married were wasting away (I’ve never denied being dramatic).
Fast forward to last summer. Megan was someone that I’d known as long as I could remember. For the last several years, we’d been in a young adults group together. I had started noticing her back in January or February, so in July when we ended up in Brazil together on a missions trip, I told God he’d better make things really clear for me… or else.
A week after we got back we started dating (August 15th). Two months later I popped the question (October 12th). And we were married in another four months (February 14th).
I came into marriage fully equipped for deep intimate relationship. I shook my head at youth pastors, speakers, and mentors as they told me how hard marriage was going to be. Not because I thought they were wrong, but because I knew something they didn’t. I knew that I had it all figured out.
Then I married someone that was different than me and all of my “expertise” went out the window. Marriage demands something of you that singleness does not.
Marriage demands vulnerability. Vulnerability creates intimacy. And intimacy draws out all of those little lies and insecurities we believe. That process is what makes marriage hard.
Any pain I’ve experienced in my marriage has had very little to do with my wife. It’s had a lot to do with the ways that I think, the places I’ve been hurt, and the lies that I believe. The biggest temptation in marriage is to demand change of our spouse so that we don’t have to confront our own issues.
The truth though is that your stuff is your stuff. Your spouse doesn’t have to change in order for you to be okay. There is always room to heal. Always somewhere that Jesus has more truth for you. Always an opportunity to show grace to your spouse.
Choosing to love another imperfect person is a beautiful adventure. If you find yourself struggling in your marriage, choose Jesus, choose healing, and choose your spouse.
